Words from an adoptee

So as you can probably tell--I have not posted in a little bit. November had no referrals in Korea--for the first time since Februrary. Of course, it should have been our month--but what can we do. Not sure if we will even receive a referral before the year ends now. The timeline is increasing and although we are next on the list--we are thinking gosh knows how long this is going to take. Our hopes of hearing something before the holidays are diminishing. November ended yucky with Riley having a bit of pneumonia and now I have been sick with a fever and all it has to bring at the start of Dec.--so things have to get better. I just came upon this rather lengthy article that an adoptee who works for another agency wrote about her life. It is very positive so wanted to add it to our blog. This person inspired her best friend to adopt. Like us, Janelle, my cousin, (my goddaughter as I refer to her mostly) inspired us to adopt. It was early on before I was married that I knew someday down the road I wanted to adopt. I am not sure if Janelle was not in my life, in our family, that I would have known anything different. Like this girl wrote in this article about seeing her Korean face in the mirror but not saying she is fully Korean and 100% adopted--I think this is what Janelle would say. We love you Janelle and thank you for being Riley's godmother and thank you for inspiring us! I hope you enjoy reading even though it is long.

November is Adoption Month November is here and it's National Adoption Month! Adoption has touched many lives in so many different ways. For you adoptive parents, it has helped you create your Forever families. In putting together this month's Gazette, I was inspired to share with you, as an adoptee, how adoption has shaped my life At a very early age, adoption played an important role in the direction my life would take. I was born on January 1, 1973 in Seoul, Korea. When I was three days old I was found on a street corner in a busy market area. I was taken to the police station and then an orphanage. Thanks to the pioneering souls who introduced international adoption to the United States, I was given a chance to have a family rather than growing up as an orphan. Adoption gave me a chance. Adoption gave me hope. I honestly never think about where I would be if I hadn't been adopted. I know I am exactly where I should be. I'm a firm believer that life works out exactly the way it is supposed to work out. I think I inherited this from my mom. From the moment my mom saw my referral picture, she said she knew I was her child. My mom always told me (and still does) that I was meant to be her daughter. And I believe her every time. Adoption gave me faith. Through adoption my family was created. Your parents aren't always defined by your DNA; they are defined by who fulfills the role of mom and dad. Your mom is the person who takes care of you when you are sick, who gets up in the middle of the night if you have a nightmare, who drops you off at your first day of school, who tells you to eat your vegetables, who teaches you how to put on make-up, who helps you get ready for your first date, who is there for you through the good times and bad times. Your dad is the one who shows you how to tie a double knot, who you call when you need a spider killed, who teaches you how to play basketball, who shows you how to build a campfire, who says you are wearing too much make-up, who embarrasses you in front of your date, who takes you to visit colleges, who stands by you when you are right or wrong. It doesn't matter how they became your parents -they are your parents. And your sister is your sister, sometimes whether you like it or not! Like any other pair of sisters, we fought growing up, we shared secrets, we traded clothes, we grumbled about mom and dad together, we snuck out of the house together, were grounded together and we supported each other. She is my sister. Adoption gave me love. Adoption gave me my family. As far back as I remember, I knew I was adopted. My parents were very open and honest about me being adopted from a very young age. International adoption was not as common in the 1970's as it is today and our family got some inquisitive looks and lots of questions about adoption. Adoption always played a part in explaining who I was. Even today, I cannot describe myself without introducing the fact that I was adopted. It's too much of a part of me. I grew up in America, but I don't look like most Americans. I look in the mirror and see a Korean face staring back at me, but I would not say I was fully Korean. I do know that I am 100% adopted. Adoption can be its own culture in itself and I'm proud to be part of it. Adoption gave me an identity. In 2004, my best friend from junior high called me to tell me her family decided to expand their family through adoption. She told me that I was the reason adoption was being considered. We grew up together and she knew I was adopted. She always thought the idea of my family having adopted me was wonderful and it stuck in her head. They adopted a Waiting Child and brought home their son the same year. He has been an incredible addition to their family and I can't imagine their family without him. I am now Auntie Kerry and take my role in spoiling their children very seriously. I am delighted knowing that my own adoption helped her complete her family. Seeing how the idea can spread and enrich the lives of others, I became very open about being adopted. I will tell anyone and everyone who asks about adoption, in hopes that sharing my experience may expose another family up to the concept of adoption. After witnessing how adoption touched my friend's family, I chose to pursue a different career path and consciously sought a job in the adoption field. Adoption is a great choice for many families. I love talking to families about adoption and find my work at Great Wall incredibly fulfilling. I go home each day knowing that even though what I do is just a small part in your adoption journey, I played a part in creating someone's forever family. Adoption gave me a purpose. Adoption shaped my life from the very beginning and gave me the most important thing in my life – my family. It helped define who I am and helped me grow into the person I am today. It has spread from my life into the lives of others around me and continues to do so. Adoption has given me hope, faith, love, family, identity and a purpose. Adoption has given me more than I can put into words. As we celebrate Adoption month, I hope you all enjoy all that adoption has given your family.

Not hopeful

So here it is Nov. 24 and still no referral. We really cannot believe it--but as always my famous words--"not much we can do." We never expected to be at this point in November and have heard nothing. There have been no referrals this entire month (as far as we know)--even at other agencies that deal with Korea (my other sources say). Just checked with the agency this morning because wasn't sure what days they were open due to the holiday. They are there today and tomorrow (Tuesday) and then closed until Monday, Dec. 1st. Yes Dec. 1st--never thought we could not be hearing something until December. But now the way things are looking, we could just very well be waiting until January which would make it a year wait in Korea. How could this be? Well last January we were told 6--10 month wait--but as we know in the adoption world--wait times can pretty much go out the window! Just remember, after we get the call, we still have an estimated 3--6 month wait to travel--yes more waiting. Travel on average right now has been coming around 3 months--but that could change either way. Being the next on the list, we totally expected to have those pictures of our little baby in our hands by Thanksgiving. Should we still hold out hope for today and tomorrow--well I guess. Unfortunately all the hope of staying optimistic since we found out on Halloween we were next on the list--has gone right out the door. I guess all I have to say at this point is Happy Thanksgiving to all that read our blog!

Standstill

Well here it is Nov. 19th--the day before my 37th birthday and things in Korea seem to be at a standstill. There seems to not be any referrals from Korea at all from any of the agencies. Thinking back I had said to Andrew, we are on the wait list as of Jan. 08, which is the start of a new year--I hope that they don't finish matching families in Dec. 07 and then there will be no more referrals until the start of Jan. 09. So now I am thinking I jinxed myself for saying that. As far as I know our agency has matched all families in Dec. 07--that is where they are in the matching process. We do know we are next on the list--but when our turn will come is anybody's guess at this point. We really thought by now we would have gotten our referral--but nothing! Andrew keeps asking what i want for my birthday and what do I want to do, but just not up to do much of anything and really don't want anything. Told him my best present this year would be a phone call from Bonnie our social worker giving us the news of our baby! The other best thing would be a cake made from Andrew and Riley--but having a feeling the referral could come before my two guys attempted to bake me a cake! LOL So going to hold out for tomorrow--but definitely not holding my breath--or getting my hopes up too much. We do know in our hearts that our baby is born and in a foster family in Korea--that is also hard to get your mind around. We are here and our baby is there. We trying to keep perspective that we are waiting a bit longer due to the fact that they would like to match us with a baby girl. Like I said, have seen families with boys be matched with a girl, and seeing that there are fewer girls, wait times can be a bit longer to be matched with a girl. If we knew this was why we were waiting longer, we could definitely wait with a bit more ease. But, if not--then hurry up referral for our little boy! That is all I have to write at this time. Keep those fingers and toes crossed--still!!!!!! I know it is asking alot--but at least I haven't asked anyone to hold your breath--that would have been a big problem! LOL

No referrals for November yet

So I checked in with my social worker this morning and she told me there have been no referrals this month yet for Korea--which to me is unusual seeing that this has not been the case in quite a few months. She said that historically at the end of the year and heading into the new year, referrals can often slow down. BUT, I happened to look back at last year's referrals in November and December and there were large numbers for both months (November being the largest amount with 18 children referred out for the month). January and February though had only one and two referrals. I am not sure if this is something that can really be determined by each year. I mean it all depends how many babies are born and relinquished for adoption. Well still holding out that Thursday is my birthday and well....just maybe we will get a call. Again, not much we can do but wait--which as you can imagine just gets harder each week that goes by.

Something to ponder about

So----a couple we know just came home from Korea today with their daughter. This is their second child from Korea--their first was a girl as well. Having two adopted girls from Korea is not very common. Our agency will allow you to choose a gender for Korea if this is your second adoption from Korea. This couple decided not to choose a gender and happened to receive another daughter. While they were there at the agency, our friend decided to question the woman at the agency who matches you with your child. She found out that if a couple has no children in the home already, then usually she refers them a boy. If the couple already has a child in the home and it is a boy, she tries very hard to match that family with a girl. She told her that although this cannot always be the case (due to more boys relinquished for adoption), she does really try. Now I found this really interesting because although this seemed to be how the process worked many years ago, we were told this was not the case anymore. Korea used to like to even out the families by having both girls and boys in the family. BUT, I have been seeing or somewhat noticing the past few months that families with only boys have been receiving a girl and families without any children in the home have been receiving a boy. Although like our friend was told, this is or rather cannot always be the case. There are just too many little guys that need homes!

It is possible that we are waiting a slightly longer time right now because they are trying to match us with a girl. But, who knows! Really thought we would hear something this week, but nothing again! So we will look forward to next week and just hope that maybe I will get some good news on or before my birthday which I think is Thursday (that's when you know you are getting old--when you don't know what day your birthday falls on)! Although we would LOVE to have a daughter and sister for Riley, we would be just as happy to have another little guy and give Riley a brother (this is his request anyway)! Plus, I am not getting any younger. I don't want to start looking like a grandma when our second one comes along. I might feel like one on days, but surely don't want to look like one! LOL

K--sorry to still ask to keep your fingers and toes crossed for us--BUT if you could keep them that way for a little longer--we could really use it!

Waiting meeting and babies

Well tonight was somewhat what I expected, but with some added unexpected news. First the meeting began with the 3 families home from China with their babies. I mean what can I say other than--ADORABLE!!!!! One was cuter then the next! The babies were all so pleasant and even had a few giggles. The 3 babies were placed on the floor and they all just decided to touch each other's shoes (which were from China). It was very cute--their fascination with one another's shoes. Overral they just seemed so happy--even their mommas and dada's--who waited 31 months to bring these babies home. They were all there with a whole lot less sleep--but that is to be expected with a "new" baby and from travelling around the world and back. Health wise--all babies are healthy.

The families with the babies left after about 40 minutes and then the meeting continued with the rest of us who are still waiting. The last 15 minutes, the social worker who runs the meeting decided to let us know she had some sad news. The waiting support group meetings were not going to be held anymore after next month (Dec.) The room became silent with sadness and I could just feel it. We have been attending the meetings on and off (mostly on) for the past year. But, there is one woman and another couple who are waiting for their referrals in China for almost 3 years. I could feel for them knowing that they have been attending these meetings for 3 years solid. They just broke down. This is what helps them and gets them through the never ending wait in China. The room became filled with lots of tears and sniffles. It was just not right. The agency doesn't feel as though they are reaching out to enough families--and want to figure out a way to support families differently. As a whole, the group did not agree with this--there is nothing like getting together with real people to discuss your process and therefore get the support you need--not to mention just being there for each other. We have the opportunity to express how we feel about this--but not sure things will change from what we have to say.

Needless to say--it was a night of mixed emotions! But that is what the road of adoption is--ups and downs, the bumps, but then the final outcome--a baby! Nobody said this would be easy and to those who have said to me--adoption is the "easy way out". Boy, do those people not know what they are talking about. This has been much harder than when I was pregnant--that is all I know!!!!!!!! The unknowing, the long wait, the paperwork process, the comments from people etc. But you stick it through because you know this is what you want. I knew when I was having Riley that I wouldn't have thrown in the towel and say--forget it--not going to have him. This is exactly the same thing for me. So another day passes--a very quiet month so far--and once again, we just wait!

Very quiet!

Well things are very quiet--actually too quiet! No rumors, no e-mails--nothing! A little unusual--considering things have not been like this for the past few months. Of course now that we are so close--I guess this would have to happen. Tonight is the waiting support group meeting at our agency so looking foward to going and seeing the babies home from China--that will be fantastic and emotional at the same time. I like to be there to support other families. Anybody on the adoption path should have support--it really is needed for the long haul. Well I will write more after the meeting.