O.k.--Officially Nuts!!!!!!

O.k. well think I am officially nuts today!!!!! Although think I have been nuts for awhile--just making it official! Just e-mailed to tell our social worker this and once again a reply back saying out of office today at another site on a meeting. Now--you have to understand, how often this happens that replies come back from anyone at the agency saying they are not at the office--they may be at a meeting, doing a home visit etc. SO my question is--how the heck can you get your referral call when nobody is there to see that you have a referral to give you a call! Do ya know what I mean!!!!!! Like I said--officially cracked up today! Took Riley to his Gym class, which he loves, because his best girl Samantha is there. He just adores her and the way he is with her--well let's just say that you can tell that someday he is going to make a great husband! BUT, maybe just to her! LOL He worships the ground she walks on. FIRST, though, I want him to have the chance to be a great big brother--ya know before he falls in love and gets married. At this rate, can't tell which is going to come first.

So the October update just came today and there were 11 babies referred in October--which is a large amount for one month. As I know we are at the top of the list, hoping November is a slower month with few referrals. There is no way of telling how months will go and how many babies will be referred. It is based on a couple of things--how many babies have been relinquished for adoption and if they have been at the Holt agency in Seoul, Korea for 5 months. Remember they are holding the babies until they are about 5 months old to see if they will be adopted domestically within the country first.

As always, although I am at the impatient point right now as are many others waiting through the adoption process, I try to keep in the back of my mind that there is a mother somewhere who has given up her child (for one reason or another--but most likely not happily or willingly) so that another family (like us) may be parents. All you can do is say thank you in your heart (for the child she is giving to you) and hope that she finds peace within herself someday. I cannot even imagine!

Many people of course asking at this point if we heard anything yet. Going to have to make a poster board wrapped around me announcing this when we do get the call--because not sure how I will be able to tell all the people who are waiting to hear. My stomach is in knots everyday now and sleep--well that has been hard lately. Basically running through my head the same thoughts as when I was pregnant with Riley: will I be a good mother, hope I know what to do, hope I can make him happy, hope I make the right decisions for him etc. I have all these thoughts and then some. More thoughts knowing that I will have a baby now from another culture who looks different and just want to make sure I can be there with the answers we need to have when questions and comments are directed toward us and toward this child. I need to become much stronger than I am. I already encountered some words from someone I know, but are not really friends with--let's say an acquaintance--wanting to know why we were adopting, that she hadn't heard of this until now, was it a secret etc. People are just weird--do you normally go around asking these kinds of questions to pregnant people?? No--you see a belly, assume how they got pregnant, why they are pregnant etc.--but you don't ask them all these silly questions.

I have wanted to adopt practically half my life, since my cousin (my Goddaughter) Janelle, who is from Korea joined our family almost 22 years ago. So all i can say is that my dream and hope of adopting is finally coming true. Having a biological child and an adopted child is well, right where I hoped I would always find myself. To me--that is a perfect family! I can only hope as time goes on--others around me will see this and understand!

Thanks for reading and keep crossing those fingers and toes--and anything else you can find to cross!